10 Secrets to a Successful Marriage

Mitch Temple - Co-Founder and Director of Marriage Department at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs, Co.

Mitch Temple – Minister, Author and Speaker

Below is a compilation of ten important insights into what makes a marriage successful. The ten observations, which were compiled by Mitch Temple, are telling. Mr. Temple has spent much of his 30 year career, as a Christian marriage counselor. He is currently the Co-Founder and Director of the Marriage Department at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Mitch published this list in 2009  but his sage advice still applies today. 


  1. Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.
  2. Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don’t know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.
  3. If you do what you always do, you will get same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and actions make the biggest difference in marriage.
  4. Your attitude does matter. Changing behavior is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions.
  5. Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.
  6. The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth – i.e. someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
  7. You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope – almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves.
  8. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the “feel good side of marriage.” Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple’s vows of commitment: “For better or for worse” – when it feels good and when it doesn’t.
  9. Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges, bringing up the past and remembering that they married an imperfect person – and so did their spouse.
  10. A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It’s out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.

4 thoughts on “10 Secrets to a Successful Marriage

  1. Nice! I love how he breaks past the status quo when mentioning that happiness is not the main goal and how the grass is greener where you water it! Awesome stuff. I always love to say that, “Everything comes down to desire,” and that, “Love expresses itself best in action.” Number 8 truly is invaluable.


    • I definitely agree. And you are right, love does express itself best in action. A lot of what love is, is best expressed through kind and thoughtful, everyday, actions towards your spouse, children and extended family. And despite what radical feminism has told women, beyond that sphere of influence, ” love” becomes an anathema.


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