It's the Women, Not the Men!

Christian men and women have always shared the responsibility for  sustaining the high level of moral behavior demanded by their faith. They have knowingly maintained the particulars of Christian morality because they understood that these tenets of behavior protect humanity from its thoughtless, vicious and sometimes brutal nature.

Although, on the surface, women have always accepted the highest burden of the behavioral aspects of morality due to the overt signs of pregnancy, there has always been a mutually symbiotic inter-dependency between the sexes, with regards to moral behavior.

Women have always stood for the highest levels of morality but unless the men also agreed to those parameters, they would unravel. One sex allows the other sex to sustain its own standards of behavior through mutual respect and admiration, instilled through their joint Christian faith.

How about going below and hookin’-up?

Until recently, when radical, second-wave feminism annihilated this premise, single Christian women always controlled the naturally persistent advances of Christian men with one, simple word – NO. And respectful Christian men, despite their sometimes dramatic protestations, always understood the limitations placed upon them by the women in whom they were interested.

Unlike today, dating or courting, was never considered a sport. Keeping score was for whores and sluts who were owed money for their favors, not for young Christian women who carried with them the self-respect instilled by their loving Christian families.

The only traditional purpose of dating was to find a suitable and companionable spouse. It was not undertaken lightly. It was serious business resulting in life-long commitments, to each other and their future children.  Surprisingly, the complex requirements, and limitations, placed on the behavior of the young courting couple, made the process fun and exiting. Neither could get into any serious trouble, as all-eyes were on them, at all time.

“No public hand-holding!”

This ancient and highly orchestrated interplay is as old as the mating dance of the blue-footed booby. The males pursue and the females resist and if the female finds the male to be amply entertaining, she accepts him as her mate. 

It was an exciting process whereby both parties could play their new roles as attractive young men and young women to Academy Award levels without any risk to themselves or their potential relationship. Love letters, flirting, porch sitting, flowers, park walking, hand-holding and a stolen kiss, all the while protected by the limitations placed on their ardor by their faith and their chaperones. It was choreographed by tradition, it was therefore safe, both emotionally and physically, and so, it was pure enjoyment without any of the dark regrets associated with the sexual liberation of today.

Kind rejection.

Maintaining a high level of morality on the part of both sexes precipitated trustworthy behavior upon which each party could rely, not only during courtship, but more importantly during marriage. Trust is the basic and most fundamental component of a successful marriage. Without the parameters of Christian morality there can be no trust and without trust, the marriage will fail. 

Neither party wants to intentionally marry someone who will not be true to them. Men do not want to marry a promiscuous, and therefore an untrustworthy, woman. Without trust he cannot be assured that she won’t follow her previous path, and find another man, while he is involved with her too. In fact, until very recently, he couldn’t even be sure she was carrying his child and not another’s mans without trust. 

And women were at just as much risk. Trust is the very basis for fidelity. Without fidelity, a woman would not be assured of the financial and emotional support she requires for herself and her children from the man she chooses to love and marry. In addition, she could not be guaranteed that she would not be infected by a sexually transmitted disease, especially syphilis.

Today, the importance of trust in a relationship has been glossed over because most young people have been sexually compromised by the time they graduate from high school, well before they were mature enough to realize the life-long ramifications of their thoughtless acts. They are already damaged goods without any possibility of redeeming themselves. As a result, trust cannot be considered a guidepost when entering  marriage because it was lost in the melee years before. For them, there will always be the ghosts of carnal past.

Who’s Jennie? You’ve called her 8 times this week!

Unfortunately, these compromised marriages begin behind the eight-ball. And when they take place, despite the suspicion of untrustworthiness on the part of either spouse, the difficulties will begin almost immediately. The instinctive lack of trust will begin to undermine the marriage as soon as the romance has cooled, and more importantly it will begin almost at once, at a critical time in the marriage, when the deeper commitment to their future lives together should begin.

Without trust, everything the dubious spouse does, or says, is thrown into question. This unsettling, unnerving and underlying current of distrust becomes an overwhelming burden that colors every aspect of the marriage. It insidiously complicates the couple’s life and throws a veil of suspicion over every facet, of what should be, routine behavior. The marriage is doomed to mediocrity, suspicion and stagnation because the deeper committment to each other, that results from openly shared experiences during marriage, is neutralized by chronic distrust. It is impossible to obtain any honest happiness from a marriage if trust is not attained first. And it is impossible to obtain trust without a shared sense of Christian morality and a commitment to the sacrament of marriage.

If you can’t find a nice Christian guy or a nice Christian girl, who comes from the same background and culture as you yourself, don’t give up and for heaven’s sake, don’t compromise! The personal disaster of falling in love with, and foolishly marrying, an untrustworthy person can be catastrophic!

A better idea is to go back to church and pray. One day, you may discover that your perfect mate is sitting right next to you.

It’s the Women, Not the Men! to be continued…