It's the Women, Not the Men!

Betty Friedan (1921-2006) – Mother of Radical, Second-Wave Feminism

I have alluded to the dysfunctional upbringings of the women, who founded radical, second-wave feminism in the late 1960s and early 1970s, as the principle reason why they hated men. Today, I’ll explain further.

Gloria Steinem, 80, – Social and Political Activist, Journalist and Originator of Radical, Second-Wave Feminism

I believe that these feminist’s backgrounds were the reason why these troublesome women accused men of being “male chauvinist pigs.”

That their unbalanced upbringings were the primary explanation behind their assertions that men “dominated” women. And, that it was the reason why these difficult women viewed men as a threat to their “freedom”, their intellect and their sexual “liberty.”

After years of research, I have come to the conclusion that their seemingly universal disdain for men was spawn, solely, by their own personal experiences as children, and young adults.

I have been very suspicious of their allegations about the “oppressive” nature of men for decades, starting when I was in college, during the birth of radical feminism. A time when 94% of American households were Christian.

My skepticism was raised mainly because, never in my young life, had I ever met, or experienced, the “domineering” and “patriarchal” men these women claimed were trying to keep women “chained” to their homes.

And, I found it amazing that this premise was being espoused, as though a God-given truth, through nearly every avenue of communication in our country – print, television but primarily academia.

At the time, my experience with men was based on my Christian upbringing, where fathers spent their lives lovingly protecting, and providing, for their families.

How odd, I thought, that so many women were suddenly claiming that this was not the case. Little did I realize that for these vocal, strident women, my experience was glaringly different from theirs.

My father, like the remainder of the men I knew, spent 30 years, rising at 6 am, commuting 1 1/2 hours to work in New York City, only to reverse the commute and return to our hometown at 7 pm each day.

It was a grueling existence but he never complained because he was a Christian “family man” who loved his wife and children and this was what was expected of him.

1970s Feminist Rally Poster – “Don’t Cook Dinner, Starve a Rat” and “End Human Sacrifice, Don’t Get Married.”

Of course, there were contentious occasions during my teenage years but I always knew that my father loved my mother, me and my siblings, very much.

And, I certainly never felt that he was, in any way, trying to limit my life or restrict my existence. All he wanted for me, and for my brothers, was that we became good Christians, and independent adults, who could contribute positively to our community and to our own families. And to this end, he led by example.

In fact, all of my uncles, my father’s married male friends and nearly every father in our town, community and neighborhood embraced those same priorities for their children.

Feminist “Consciousness Raising” (brainwashing) Session

With 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 children, no one was trying to hold their children back.

In fact, the fathers wanted just the reverse. They wanted the kids out of the house, and out on their own, as soon as it was feasibly possible.

The fathers, brothers, sons, nephews and uncles I knew (who were neighbors, teachers, businessmen, cops, shop owners), were good, church-going men who loved their wives and children and kept a constant vigil, in order to keep them safe from evil, both within their homes and without. Yet, this was not what these virulent feminists claimed.

“I am Woman, hear me roar!”

It was not until recently that I was able to find the answer as to why they had such a radically different view of men than I did. Weren’t we women all the same?

Well, the answer was in many ways, yes, but in one critical area the answer was a resounding, NO! These women were not raised in Christian households. They were, instead, raised in non-Christian households, which I was to discover, was defined by profoundly different dynamics.

Even forty-five years later, I still have not experienced the evil men, that the newest crop of troubled feminists claim are continuing to “oppress” women.

For me, and I’m sure for millions of other women, they simply do not exist! And so, I continued to search for the reasons why the founders of feminism were SO convinced they did exist.

Oddly, the childhood experiences, of so many of the original founders of feminism, seemed to be shrouded in secrecy.

There appeared to be a covenant, of sorts, among those early founders in which they all agreed to avoid discussing their upbringings in public.

But, as I continued to dig, there were a few hints that came to light. There were stories about Betty Friedan’s contentious marriage and her profound disappointment with motherhood. And there were comments from Gloria Steinem about her abandonment by her obese father, and the resultant need for her, as a 7-year-old, to care for her ailing mother. There were more glimmers of the truth, in Phyllis Chesler’s book about her rebellious life and her marriage to an “enemy” of her family.

And, yes, there were articles written by non-Christian women about the sexual frenzy they were subjected to at summer camp and the encouragement in this “adventure” by their sexually repressed mothers.

But, these were just the symptoms, and I wanted the cause. What I wanted was the fountainhead, the well-spring, of their hatred of men, and by association, family. What was it like to be raised in a non-Christian household in the 1950s and 1960s? What, specifically, were their personal experiences as children, that produced this distorted view of family men? 

What I wanted, was a first-hand account of their childhood experiences, from a female member of their family.

It has only been within recent years, that I have had the time, or the inclination, to look for the source of this “imaginary” bogey man. A man who was seemingly created out of thin air, by the founders of radical, second-wave feminism.

After forty-five years of living with their blatant lies, I still wanted to know why non-Christian, radical, second-wave feminists continued to bring false witness against men. Why they still claimed that men (fathers and husbands) were deliberately destroying women’s lives by failing to allow them to become “all that they could be”, when I have yet to see ANY evidence, to confirm their outrageous allegations.

To this end, I have been on the alert, for anything that would explain these obviously troubled women’s oddball views of men (fathers and husbands) and their irrational, decades long, desire to re-educate America’s females to reflect their twisted view of men, especially among young, college-age women.

I have now read, and researched, enough to know that my suspicions were correct. These women did not come from the same loving family environment that I did. Their cultural upbringings were, in many cases, diametrically opposed to mine, as a Christian. But, where was the evidence?

Well, I finally found what I was looking for. And, by comparison, the original non-Christian feminists were raised on a totally different PLANET than I was. A planet where family relationships were heartless, loveless and often strained to the breaking point. Where fathers ruled the roost as cruel dictators. Where affection was rarely, if ever, expressed among family members. Where decades passed without contact among angry siblings. Where conversations were one-sided, sarcastic and contentious. Where family life was profoundly dysfunctional and defined by sharp hurtful words and in many cases, blatant hatred.

My long search was finally over when I discovered an old book, which includes many insider views of life as a young, non-Christian female in the 1950s and 1960s, but one essay stood out vividly.

It was written by Roberta Gootblatt in 1969. It best relates what it was like to be raised in a non-Christian household and it is her first-hand account.

Gootblatt’s scathing essay about her family life is truly shocking. But, it best explains why the non-Christian founders of radical, second-wave feminism were so hate-filled, difficult and arrogant, especially on the topic of men and family life.

These women were products of their difficult home lives where men ruled supreme, women were nothing more than doormats and children were raised without love.

Ms. Gootblatt’s essay is titled, “Me, Myself and the Middle-class Jew.” It is from a book titled, “Voices from Women’s Liberation”, which was published in 1971.

The book is no longer in print and, at times, I wonder if the current crop of radical feminists had most of the copies burned, as the essays, and their authors, are boldly irrational in their thinking and blatantly short-sighted and narrow-minded about the, supposed, “justifications” for their out-and-out hatred of men and family life. It is a very bizarre, and disturbing, read.

In retrospect, the essays showed this original band of disgruntled females, to be just this side of psychotic and most were certified sociopaths. A great foundation upon which to build an ideology!

The book includes many of the unguarded, unvarnished and unsubstantiated opinions of dozens of the original adherents of radical, second-wave feminism. They were writing “from the hip”, well before some became politically astute ideologues.

They were “expressing themselves” well before their dubious, debatable and controversial opinions were cast in stone, as truth, by radical, second-wave feminism. And well before their irrational hatred for men, and family life, was hidden behind the political smoke screen defined as “equality.” And as a result, the book illuminates A LOT of the reasons we are trying to “survive feminism”, and its untruthful step child – political correctness – to this very day.

Gootblatt’s diatribe is one of more than 100 essays included in the book. But I think you will agree that reading just this one, will be more than enough for one day, whether it evokes shock, sympathy or sadness.

Ms. Gootblatt’s essay follows:

“I dedicate my story to my daughter Robin, and to all the new Jewish women of the future.” Roberta Gootblatt November 1969.

“It is not hard to ascertain what its like to be rich, or poor, in the capitalist society. In this respect, you’ve either got it, or you don’t but, no matter who you are, you are far from heaven, and much closer to hell, if you are caught in  the middle-class. And, indeed, if you are a woman – forget it! You are nothing, anyway you may look at it. Rich, poor, or in the middle, you’ve had it, even before you are born.

Yes, it’s a long hard road for any woman in the class society. But, let me tell you, the most deeply, and viciously, destroyed woman in this society is none other than the middle class Jewish woman.

If you are amazed at this fact, yes, FACT, let me tell you about 23 years of my life, as I have lived them among the Jewish middle class. And, when you finish reading my story, perhaps if you are a Jewish woman, with a drop of humanity left within you, you may realize what a battle we have. And, so, if you are born a female, and Jewish at that, and are raised within the middle-class – this may well be your story too….

One thing I can be thankful for is that I was born. And, that is all! I was the first daughter to a lower middle-class Jewish male who was a butcher. My mother, in the same hell, an office worker. My parents, brother, sister, and I, lived in an ugly building in the East Bronx.

As in all middle-class families, my mother and father worked so that the kids would have what they needed, and the children followed in momma and papa’s footsteps. The Jewish kids usually came home with good marks from school. This is about par, for an average middle-class Jewish family.

Looking deeper within this class of people, I ask, “What is the Jewish middle-class woman like?” Outwardly, she is just like everyone else. Inwardly, she is not so average. She was born under the Star of David and here is where is all begins.

As the old Jewish saying goes, I was the “Chosen One.” I was the female member of the family picked for the scapegoat. For 15 years, I took all the shit the family could dish out. Why? Because if I didn’t I would have been thoroughly rejected, and as a child that was just a little too much to bear. So, I worshiped my father, for the Jewish male is god, and since mother had been in the same boat as I when she was a child, mother just wasn’t there. Oh, yes, she worked and cleaned and cooked, but her inner destruction was completed and so she could not comprehend what was being done to me.

The joys of being a child were unknown to me. I wanted only to please god (dear old dad), so I, too, cleaned and cooked and became momala (little mother). You see, a good middle-class girl’s ultimate goal is to be a good cook, and a terrific housewife.

During my so-called childhood there were many times when the loneliness and inner emptiness got so bad that I knew within my imprisoned self that some day I would understand why life seemed so meaningless. Peace and love were unknown within the Jewish middle-class. For the tension was beyond control. Everyone existed; life had no true meaning.

At 15 years I had had it! Luckily, I came down with the classical school phobia – and my fight for life had begun.

When I entered therapy, I knew damn well that what was ahead of me was no game. I was either going to completely destroy myself, or I was going to be reborn. You see I was a hopeless case; at least that’s what the society and my family thought. But, within myself I knew I had to make it. Someone within that damn murderous Jewish neurotic cycle had to break out and lead the way to the birth of the New Jewish Woman. And, perhaps even pave the way toward a new life for all Jews.

I struggled within myself and got back to school. Then I stopped taking shit from everyone. I told my friends that they were going to accept me for who I am or buzz-off. (They buzzed off!) I told all my Jewish relatives to go to hell! And then, I told father to go fuck himself. I refused consciously and subconsciously to be his scapegoat. The family didn’t like this, they just couldn’t understand. How could any Jewish good girl not respect her father !? Where would this poor child be without god!? They actually thought I was mad! I was free, and their distorted minds saw my freedom as disrespect and hate!!

So, I picked myself up and moved out. Yep, the little nebbish Jew from the Bronx, at 18 years old went out into the world and left the dead Jewish family. My struggle for freedom continued on. A little while after my rebellious departure, father died! You see, he had lost his scapegoat, so he turned all his anger onto himself. It was him or me, and I had to live!!

I obtained for myself a “good” job as a secretary (for most middle class Jewish girls college is supposedly “unnecessary”, so naturally I obtained secretarial skills in high school), and completely enjoyed my individuality. Now, I can go on and on telling about my many experiences while on my ladder to self-liberation, but at this point it is more important to explain something about my Jewishness. For this is the part within me that gave me the strength to overcome any and all stagnations which I faced.

I was resigned to go through all the hell in the world. But, facing it was only part of the struggle. At one time or another there comes the moment to take another step towards rebirth. Now this means continuously growing out of the protective middle-class womb and facing oneself, the middle class and life. Oh, how hard this is! For, as a Jewish woman, you must grow subconsciously away from the father god and give that supposed “protector” up completely. You get caught like a rat in a trap! You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. In other words, if you take that same, but so important leap to inner freedom, you don’t know what to expect. How terribly frightening the unknown is! And, if you don’t take that step you are still in the same shit and feeling the same hell. Believe me, you feel this bind so deep within your gut – it’s the most painful, lonely and frightening feeling. When you are born in the middle class you always find yourself in the middle.

Here is where my Jewish feminine sensitivity becomes my guiding light. Within the sensitivity I possess, there is the gift of insight. This is my key to the door that has locked all Jewish women out – out of life. And, when I make it all the way, not only will I have opened the door wide, but perhaps if my Jewish sisters wake up, together we shall crack that door down – and free all Jewish women from their Yiddish death! This death door is rusty and tight, but I believe that feminine strength can put it to its doom! The Jewish woman has a hell of a lot of inner strength and its about time she knew it, and used it!

At 19 I married a very wonderful man. He has also gone through much hell in his struggle for inner freedom. Also, since he too is a Jew, we have much in common. And, with the love we have found together, we have gained a deeper understanding of the Jew as a whole. Understanding one’s people is a necessary step to understanding oneself.

Our lovely daughter has been our wisest teacher. She is a free being, knows no contradiction, and the love of life sparkles within her eyes. She is the New Jewish Woman. For I understand. But, do my Jewish sisters understand? Do they give a damn that their kids are caught within a burning hell even before they are born? Do my sisters realize that these innocent babies become a part of a murderous cycle which slowly and quietly destroys their lives?

The Jewish middle class is a death trap. The destruction of a Jewish girl, very, very silently accomplished. And this murder is thorough! Femininity is so deeply oppressed, that scapegoating is easily carried out. The MALE is GOD! He knows all, and will be obeyed. The Jewish female is property, she cannot, and will not be who she is. Just what he makes her.

How in the hell can any Jewish woman love herself if she is absolutely nothing within the culture? Therefore, she remains in chains and is destroyed, and destroys her offspring as well. Here is that vicious cycle that continues on and on and on…

When a Jewish woman is destroyed, no one is aware of the viciousness involved; not even she herself. Since she is destroyed from within, nothing can shake up that middle-class enslavement. Hitler did outwardly to all Jews, male and female, what the Jewish male does inwardly to the Jewish woman. It’s as horrible as that! And this is why the Jewish woman is so caught. What she cannot see, she cannot understand. What she feels she cannot express in words. She has nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Within that Jewish middle-class the women exist in a psychological concentration camp!

It is said that lower-class people have to pull themselves out of the gutter. The middle-class Jewish woman is not only in the gutter, but she is in that gutter, in a coffin with the lid nailed down! This is the hell that she has to fight her way out of. This is exactly what I have done. And, I am damn proud of myself, indeed!

Here I sit, I am asking myself if there are any women out there who understand what I have said above, and how I feel? I have completely given up all relationships with the middle-class Jews. They are a pack of destroyed girls who care about no one, not even themselves. They exist day by day, and haven’t the slightest conception of life. They cannot think or feel, and therefore, I will not waste my time and energy trying to relate to brick walls!

So, where do I belong? A lonely nebbish Jew with a hell of a lot to give, but to who? Will the women of the liberation movement accept me? Or, will they laugh and turn away? Am I good enough? I want so much to be accepted, so that I can give of my self to a cause so worthy of life – the liberation of all woman, all over the world!

My story, of course, does not end here. An individual revolution must continue and become a part of a larger revolution. This society may isolate everyone, but life does not!

My sisters, I need you, and I need you believe me. The Women’s Liberation Movement must  grow and gain recognition. It is about time that the world got a taste of femininity! Indeed, it is certainly about time women realized how beautiful and strong they really are.

Now we all know why radical, second-wave feminism was established on the irrational premise that all men, even Christian men, were male chauvinist pigs. It was the way they were raised. And, as a result, it should NEVER have been used to establish public policy as it did NOT reflect reality for the vast majority of Christian Americans. kqd