J. Lee Grady, 55 – Minister, Author, Editor, Husband and Father of 4 Daughters
Once again I found an excellent list, with important advice, given by J. Lee Grady, who is an ordained minister. But, I felt that two types of women were missing. I have added them to the end of Mr. Grady’s insightful list, as #9 and #10.
8 Women Christian Men Should Never Marry
Last week my column “10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry” went viral. More than 1.2 million people have shared that message so far—most likely because so many single men and women are seriously asking for guidelines on finding a compatible mate.
In response I received numerous requests to share similar guidelines for men who are looking for wives. Since I am mentoring several young men right now and have seen a few of them marry successfully during the past few years, it wasn’t difficult to draft this list. These are the women I tell my spiritual sons to avoid:
1. The unbeliever. In last week’s column, I reminded women that the Bible is absolutely clear on this point: Christians should not marry unbelievers. Second Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). Apart from your decision to follow Christ, marriage is the single most important decision you will ever make. Don’t blow it by ignoring the obvious. You need a wife who loves Jesus more than she loves you. Put spiritual maturity at the top of your list of qualities you want in a wife.
2. The material girl. One young friend of mine was engaged to a girl from a rich family. He saved up money for months to buy a ring, but when he proposed she told him he needed to go back to the jewelry store to buy a bigger diamond. She pushed her fiance to go into debt for a ring that fit her expectations. She wanted a Tiffany’s lifestyle on his Wal-Mart budget. I warned my friend that he was stepping into serious trouble. Unless you want to live in debt for the rest of your life, do not marry a girl who has dollar signs in her eyes and eight credit cards in her Gucci purse.
3. The diva. Some macho guys like to throw their weight around and pretend they are superior to women. Divas are the female version of this nightmare. They think the world revolves around them, and they don’t think twice about hurting somebody else to prove their point. Their words are harsh and their finger-snapping demands are unreasonable. Some of these women might end up in leadership positions at church, but don’t be fooled by their super-spiritual talk. Real leaders are humble. If you don’t see Christlike humility in the woman you are dating, back away from her and keep looking.
4. The Delilah. Remember Samson? He was anointed by God with superhuman strength, but he lost his power when a seductive woman figured out his secret and gave her man the world’s most famous haircut. Like Delilah, a woman who hasn’t yielded her sexuality to God will blind you with her charms, break your heart and snip your anointing off. If the “Christian” woman you met at church dresses provocatively, flirts with other guys, posts sexually inappropriate comments on Facebook or tells you she’s OK with sex before marriage, get out of that relationship before she traps you.
5. The contentious woman. A young man told me recently that he dated a girl who had serious resentment in her heart because of past hurts. “Before I would propose, I told my fiancée she had to deal with this,” he explained. “It would have been a deal-breaker, but there was a powerful breakthrough and now we are engaged.” This guy realized that unresolved bitterness can ruin a marriage. Proverbs 21:9 says, “It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” If the woman you are dating is seething with anger and unforgiveness, your life together will be ruined by arguing, door-slamming and endless drama. Insist that she get prayer and counseling.
6. The controller. Marriage is a 50/50 partnership, and the only way it works is when both husband and wife practice mutual submission according to Ephesians 5:21. Just as some guys think they can run a marriage like a dictatorship, some women try to manipulate decisions to get their way. This is why premarital counseling is so important! You don’t want to wait until you’ve been married for two weeks to find out that your wife doesn’t trust you and wants to call all the shots.
7. The mama’s girl. It’s normal for a new wife to call her mom regularly for advice and support. It is not normal for her to talk to her mother five times a day about every detail of her marriage, including her sex life. That’s weird. Yet I have counseled guys whose wives allowed their mothers (or fathers) total control of their marriages. Genesis 2:24 says a man is to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. Parents should stay in the background of their children’s marriages. If your girlfriend hasn’t cut the apron strings, proceed with caution.
8. The addict. So many people in the church today have not been properly discipled. Many still struggle with various types of addictions—to alcohol, illegal drugs, prescription medicines or pornography—either because we don’t confront these sins from the pulpit or we don’t offer enough compassionate support to strugglers. Jesus can completely set a person free from these habits, but you don’t want to wait until you’re married to find out your wife isn’t sober. You may still be called to be married, but it is not wise to tie the knot until your girlfriend faces her issues head-on.
The following two additions are mine – kqd
9. The career women – Don’t be impressed by a woman who has a successful “career.” She may appear to be good material for a wife, someone who is well-educated, well-spoken, self-confident and committed, but she isn’t, because as a result of her “committment” to advancing her career, she will never be fully committed to you. Career women often prove themselves to be self-centered, arrogant, single-minded and egotistical. None of these characteristics produce a truly loving wife or, more importantly, a devoted mother. kqd
10. The debtor – One of the first things a young man should find out about a woman he has become seriously interested in is whether or not she has excessive debt. I know a young man who did not discover that his fiance had racked up $35,000 in credit card debt until they were just a few weeks from their wedding date. In addition, he discovered, to his dismay, that once married, all of her overdue bills and debt would become his responsibility as well, destroying his exemplary credit rating. Although he believed that declaring bankruptcy is, in reality, legalized theft, he was left with no choice but to have his fiance declare bankruptcy before they were married. Making a discovery like this may also alert the young man to the possibility that there may be some ulterior motives (his money) behind her interest in him. kqd
Mr. Grady’s article continues here:
Your best rule to follow in choosing a wife is found in Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Look past the outward qualities that the world says are important, and look at the heart.
To get the other side of this story, read “10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry.”
J. Lee Grady is the former editor of Charisma and the director of the Mordecai Project. You can follow him on Twitter at @leegrady. He is the author of 10 Lies Men Believe and other books.
It's the Women, Not the Men! 
A career woman would be a real total disaster for a man to marry.
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Yes! A “career” woman is a truly CONFLICTED female. As a result, your home life will suffer accordingly.
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Well most of the career women nowadays are just down right very horrible to get married too anyway because of their greediness and selfishness that is everywhere today with a rotten personality to go along with it as well. These women are very pathetic altogether since they will only want the very best of all and will not settle for less either. They don’t even have any respect for us good men at all when we will try to start a normal conversation with the one that will attract us which they will be so very nasty to us and walk away. And most of them as i can see really must have been very abused by the men that they were with at one time that really messed their brain up altogether now and are taking it out on us innocent good men for no reason at all. I really can’t believe how the women of today have really changed over these years which makes it very difficult for many of us men looking for a good honest relationship now which certainly explains why many of us men are still single today since we really have no reason at all to blame ourselves either for this mess that most of these women today have caused unfortunately. Very dangerous women nowadays for us men looking for real love since many of us never expected this to happen to us in the first place to begin with. Born at a very bad time for us since the women that now have their careers are real total losers too.
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I agree that it’s VERY difficult to find a good woman today. Most women are misguided products of non-Christian, anti-Christian radical, second-wave feminist indoctrination at the hands of feminist controlled academia. Feminist ideology was created by greedy, selfish, difficult, rude, abrasive, non-Christian women who were raised without love by non-Christian, sociopathic parents. Google my post titled, “Longform Essay – Why Did the Founders of Radical, Second-Wave Feminism Hate Men?” and then read my other post “10+ Tenets of Christianity vs. 10+ Ideals of Radical Feminism” to see just how perverse, sinister and deep-seated the brainwashing of innocent young women has been. Until strong Christian men begin to FIGHT BACK against this destructive “feminist lifestyle”, nothing will change for the young men of the future. My advice to you now, is to reclaim your Christian faith and return to church. Your good woman may be sitting in the pew right next to you or be a member of its young adult program. Don’t give up, don’t lower your standards and continue to educate yourself (Read more of my posts. They will help you offset and better understand feminism’s evil influence over women) about good men’s most vicious adversary – radical, second and third-wave feminism. God bless you on your life’s journey in quest of joy and love. Adhering to the Christian faith is the only way to find both.
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Well a career woman would be a real Terrible woman to marry since they do carry their Greed And Selfishness everywhere they go.
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Exactly. Selfishness becomes the defining principle of their lives, which precludes their ability to devote themselves to anyone else, including, sadly, their husband and children. As you can imagine, a “feminist lifestyle” always end badly. Many never marry or have children, while others foolishly divorce their “inconvenient” husbands while climbing the corporate ladder to nowhere. As a result, most end their lives alone in a condo with a cat for company.
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Well the worst of all women are the ones that have their Career today since they have so much Drama along with their Greed And Selfishness that they carry around with them wherever they go which they will make a Terrible Wife anyway. And this is the real Reason why the Divorce Rate is so high nowadays since so many of these women really want the Best and will Never settle for Less. Since it really does they two to tangle which this is a very Excellent Reason why many of us Good men are still Single today. Quite a Change in the women of today compared to the Good old fashioned women of years ago that we once had.
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I couldn’t agree more. Feminism has not only stolen women from God, which immediately devalues their usefulness on earth, but it, for the first time in recorded history, has placed women in competition with men rather than conjoined with them. The result has been the destruction of the Christian family and all of the associated societal chaos that has resulted from its destruction. Feminism is an ABJECT failure for both men and women, and I’m very pleased men in particular, are beginning to see it for the purveyor of evil behavior it truly is. God bless and good luck. Don’t give up your search for a good Christian woman. They ARE still out there and if I were a young man searching for a soulmate, I’d start by going back to your Protestant church. She may be sitting in the pew right next to you.
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I am very much surprised that you agree with me since so many other women would Not at all which is very much true what i have said anyway since Most women have really Changed today from the Good old days. I really wish that i could have been born many years Earlier since i would have avoided this mess which i really would had been all Settled Down by now with my own Good Wife and family that i still Don’t have today Unfortunately since i have friends of mine that very much agree with me too since they’re Not married either and wish that they could have been too. Thank you for your support. Peace
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Don’t give up! The only way to find a good woman today is by joining a Christian church, or multiple Christian churches, since this was, and still is, the only place on earth where truly good women are produced. God bless and good luck.
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Wow thank you for having the courage to say what unfortunately is soooo politically incorrect. Feminism has destroyed the family. EVERY one of the tenants of feminism is a lie and an absurd one at that. Interesting comment about the borderline personality disorder thing. Like everything else from the leftists, the disaster of their social experiments don’t show up for a couple decades later and by then most people have no clue about what is going on and what in the world caused it.
Keep speaking the truth in boldness.
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Thank you. I know I have a unique perspective having lived through radical, second-wave feminism’s development and experiencing its creation, and its key players, first hand. Keeping young people oblivious to the truth about their leftist and sinister agenda to destroy Christian America, through feminist academia, secularism and pop culture, has been their key to success, especially with gullible young women. It’s my mission to give young people the truth and the other side of the story, which has been systematically silenced by those very same non-Christian operatives. As Christians its time to acknowledge feminism for the enemy, of not only Christianity, but America as well and finally begin to FIGHT BACK, before all is lost.
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Dear author,
Your article has no relevance in today’s time. Marriages are obsolete. More than 50% of US adults are unmarried. Out of the remaining 50% who are married, half marriages end up in divorce. Hence, only 25% marriages overall. So those who are thinking about getting married, try your luck.
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That is because we have lost the understanding of the reason for
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The only way that marriage is guaranteed to work is by the total rejection of the radical, second-wave feminist interpretation of its purpose. The, “it’s all about me” version which is centered on the couples needs, especially the self-centered, female egotist that feminism produces. She is at complete odds with the precepts of a good Christian woman and so the marriage is nearly doomed to failure. Read my post, 10+ Tenets of Christianity vs. 10+ Ideals of Radical Feminism” to see how feminism is at complete odds with Christianity. If you want your marriage to succeed, the original Christian purpose of the sacrament of marriage must be embraced by you, but more importantly, by your future wife. Unless you marry a women who is dedicated to her Christian faith FIRST, you will find nothing but heartache in your married life. Read my post to be published tomorrow, Admirable Women-Candice Cameron Bure Wants her Husband to Lead,” to see a woman who is devoted to her faith first, to see a truly happy couple. The Christian purpose of marriage was designed, NOT for the couple, despite what radical feminism tells women. It was created for the sole purpose of providing for the protection, security, emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health of the children produced by that couple. Find your own faith again, then seek out ONLY Christian woman and I can guarantee you that you will be happy for the rest of your life. Don’t give up until you find her. Start looking at your church. I wish you the best of luck, you deserve it.
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I absolutely agree with your take on marriage K. I have been married to my precious wife for 32 years. There have been ups and downs. Good times and bad times. Blue skies and grey skies. With CHRIST in the center we have always and will always make it through. I would not have changed a thing along the way about being married.
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You are blessed, as I am, to be happily married to a wonderful spouse, with God’s grace, for 42 years.
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You are so right about the career woman, as I found out to my cost some years ago. I lost my first marriage to my ex-wife’s promotion-driven promiscuity. She has made her career an idol, to the cost of many relationships both with family and friends. Latterly it has even cost her her health.
After a period of singleness, the Lord has blessed me with a relationship with a lady who shows all the qualities of Proverbs 31:30. In a marriage your relationships with Christ and with each other are far more important than your financial circumstances; it’s so important to have time for each other and for God, which competing careers can eat up.
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Your first wife was a victim of lesbian-led, radical, second-wave feminism. It is a pernicious ideology that routinely eats its adherents. Sadly, you were an innocent bystander to this destructive crime of narcissism as well. My hope is, as more women succumb to feminism’s debilitating priorities, and finally self-implode, that other young women will choose to avoid the same fate. I wrote about this inevitability in my post – Short Essay – Radical Feminism’s True Legacy – Being Single, Sidelined and 60 Sucks! I’m convinced that without a solid foundation, based on the tenets of Christianity, marriage is doomed to failure.You are blessed to have a second chance with a woman who understands this. Keep the faith. Thanks for your input.
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What about people (men or women) who follow Christ, but have never married, or are separated, divorced, widowed, in a same-sex relationship, spouse missing or abandoned them, deployed with military, not eligible for assistance, in jail, in a coma or a wheelchair or some other medical/mental disability, in a homeless shelter, etc., etc., and they have children to feed, clothe, educate, etc. Or they could be in low-wage jobs, or they could be a traditional mom-dad family, but maybe 1 or both are unemployed. They could have a severely handicapped child who needs round the clock care, and maybe the mom has a killer career, that pays what the insurance won’t cover, or pays for the care needed. The bills still have to be payed, they still have to eat. What I’m saying is nothing new. There are some people who do fit into your categories, and having a stay at home mom could be perfect for them, and that is wonderful. But many and all do not. There are too many variables in human lives to put all American men and women round pegs into one person’s version of the way American Society’s square holes should be filled.
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You may have a point, but we need to start somewhere and that’s my point.
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May have a point? While I do not refute your point, for those for whom it works, economic and life realities are FACT. I am a single (divorced) white female with two teenage children. I would’ve love to stay home with my kids, but my (self-employed) ex completely REFUSED to pay for ANY kind of benefits while we were married for 13 years. I worked both a FT job with full bennies while also working a part-time job to fill in the gaps. In order to get bens, one has to work FT, in order to work FT, my kids had to be in daycare, which took half of my take home pay. I wasn’t on any career track, I was on a bennies track. Being that we were legally married, we didn’t quality for any kind of benefits or assistance. He still made more than twice what I did working two jobs. I worked wkends while he took care of the kids, and that was extra take home pay. After 13 years of marriage, and I never cheated on him, he left me for his old high school sweetheart, whom he constantly compared me to. One thing he said to me, was how she made a “hell of a lot more money than you, and you work two jobs.” She left her husband and two kids for him. She made about $96,000. My ex made about $65,000, and I made about $33,000 working two jobs, for BENNIES–medical, dental, vision, std–short-term disability, ltd–long-term disability, add–accidental death and disability, full life insurance on all four of us. And part of my payroll deductions were to cover some of the federal and state taxes he would’ve payed on his self-employed salary, then come tax time, we payed less to the govt. As well as paying for the bennies and daycare. When my son was 3-1/2, he had hip surgery thru shriners hospital, I quit my full time job to stay at home with him, for 8 months. We could’ve payed cobra for bennies during that time, but I had no more income, cuz it all went to daycare, and the ex REFUSED to even pay for health care for his own kids. I kept the life ins cobra in case one of us adults kicked off, and left the other to fend for him or herself. We went a combined time of almost 3 years with no bennies, when I would be in between jobs, or starting a new one and waiting for the bens to kick in, or staying at home caring for my child. Now he is married to her, and SHE has provided the bennies for herself, the ex, AND my two kids, for the last 8 years. And the ex used to complain I never made house payments, never mind that I payed about $70,000 in daycare over the years. He was squirreling away money that I didn’t know about, but my lawyer and a private detective couldn’t find it. So tell me your point, again, ma’am, for those for whom it does not fit. ….
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I’m sorry for all of your travail. I’m afraid your experience is just another unhappy example of what happens when people substitute radical feminism’s ideology for their faith. Radical feminism put you both on this destructive path. Obviously, your ex was not a Christian and marrying an unbeliever always works against the other Christian spouse, no matter what the gender. Unfortunately, your husband is a radical feminist which always causes untold heartache and hard-ship. Your husband bought the feminist (and anti-Christian) notion that women should make money rather than care for their children and that you were equally responsible for supporting the family monetarily. Worse yet, he didn’t believe in Christian fidelity, choosing feminism’s sexual liberation instead. Sadly, you married a looser. There isn’t anything you can do about that now other than try to find happiness in raising your children. Google “10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry” and see how many types fit your ex. Both articles are for young, single people, Unfortunately, its not a matter of “fitting” because you are well past my point. You are on the other side of the fence, in a different life stage, living with the predictable results of adopting radical feminism’s twisted ideology and sadly you lacked this vital information when you were single and choosing a spouse. I’m sorry, but my point is to help those still seeking their first spouse so that they can avoid the results you are experiencing. I wish you all the luck in the world.
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I would not portray a woman who has a career as a “radical feminist.” That’s nothing but derogatory. I am for equal right for all, period. We should all have the choice, whether that choice is to stay at home with the kids or to work. What works for one family may not work for another, but to say that point blank a family will not work well if the woman works outside the home is ludicrous.
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Tara,
I will politely disagree with your position. The very concept of a career is the product of a culture which is now acknowledged to be a narcissistic one. The pursuit of career–advancement for the sake of feeding one’s own ego–is a soulless one, regardless of the gender of the person who is pursuing a career.
There is valid reason to believe that maternal absence in early childhood is deleterious to the child’s healthy emotional and psychological development. One example is the borderline personality disorder, which is thought to have at least a partial basis in early childhood abandonment issues.
A young child doesn’t care what his or her mother’s workplace title is or high lofty mother’s organizational position is. Nor would that child care if the house has granite countertops and genuine designer furniture, or that mother always sport killer designer fashion outfits, or that mother has the best MAC makeup and treading edge salon styles.
In terms of selecting a mate, and we have to be honest in recognizing that there are choices involved, it is responsible (and not “sexist”) of a man to have a preference for a woman who wishes to remain home with their children during their early childhood years, if feasible. The feminist view of “Patriarchy” is a gender narcissistic perversion of men who, in general, are concerned for the best interests of their children, families, and hence society as well.
Please do not construe these words as a personal attack or a judgement. They are not.
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I think it’s in the best interests of the children to be fed, clothed and have a roof over their heads. Unless one lives in a small town in the south (generally speaking), housing prices are astronomical, which often forces both parents to work. There isn’t a choice involved-it’s a matter of taking care of the children one brought into the world.
I think you are stereotyping working women. More ludicrous statements about MAC makeup, granite countertops, etc. Absurdity. To portray women who have careers as being materialistic is unfair and uninformed. Are some women that way? Sure. Some men are, too. Some men work ridiculously long hours to pursue “lofty titles,” yet I don’t hear you saying anything negative about them.
I have a Psychology degree, so please don’t start coming at me with statements about how mental health disorders are due to a mother working outside the home. Talk about uninformed…
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Would you please cite the published, peer-reviewed psychology research which conclusively demonstrates zero statistical correlation between mothers working during their children’s early childhood and the subsequent onset of personality disorders such as borderline or other mental health issues in the child’s later adult life?
In terms of my being uninformed, I will shortly be publishing a book in which I propose that covert narcissism is in fact the feminine form of the personality disorder. This is a theoretically exciting interpretation, as it provides the first rational explanation for phenomena such as Munchausen by proxy that I am aware of (feminine narcissistic grandiosity combined with narcissistic mirroring).
This gender interpretation of overt and covert narcissism forms the basis for a unified construct of gender narcissism, the means by which I am guardedly confident I can unify the late Christopher Lasch’s modern classic of social criticism “The Culture of Narcissism” with Edward Gibbon’s “Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.” This will be in the sequel to my current book, the manuscript of which Ms. Duane has kindly read.
In terms of men who to varying degrees ignore their families and children for their careers’ sakes, I certainly will be mentioning them in my future sequel. However, the masculine side of narcissism is far better understood than the feminine side, in my experience, and thus I focus far more on the feminine half of the equation, so to speak.
I agree with you regarding that these careerist fathers exist, and that it is a problem to children, families, and society. As our civilization continues in its slow but inexorable narcissistic decay, neither gender has much to brag about. Much of what we in the West believe is relatively recent social progress is but a narcissistic corruption of the truth.
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You are regurgitating radical, second-wave feminist ideology again. Equal rights for all is a radical feminist (they invented political correctness) delusion! We were NOT all blessed, by God, with the same intellect, tenacity, perseverance, drive, ambition, talents or physicality. Therefore true “equality” is an impossible dream! And the radical feminist’s, and their socialist comrades, knows this! It is part of their underlying agenda. By continuing to bully people into trying to achieve this impossible dream, they retain control of the conversation, thereby acquire what they ultimately want – political power. And yes, what works for one family may not work for another. My point is that too many young women do not even consider the damage they inflict on themselves, and their families, while they blindly pursue their “careers.” Most of these women turn into shrews as they blast their families to smithereens while blindly demand that their families adjust,and adapt, to their angry moods and selfish priorities. It doesn’t work! And if pursued to its final conclusion, it usually ends in divorce.
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Thank you for your thoughtful words.
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My pleasure.
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That’s a good list. However, I’m very grateful my husband broke all the rules, LOL. Well not all of them, but I was definitely controlling and contentious. I don’t know what made it work, God of course, and I fell in love.
I think you’re right about the career driven ones. I don’t think we would have made it if I had had a career too, it takes your attention away, it requires your loyalty, you have to invest a lot of time into climbing the ladder. Your home life suffers. I have had many jobs over the years, but all my friends who pursued actual careers are now divorced.
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That’s the dark, dark side of radical feminism. And that’s SO sad for your friends and especially if there were children. I wrote about the even sadder end of their stories, which they have yet to experience, in my post- “Radical Feminism’s True Legacy- Being Single, Sidelined and 60 Sucks.” Thank you for your comment and be sure and take good care of that previous guy who loves you with every fiber of his body. You are very lucky to have come to your senses when you did. It’s much less stress-filled too. Good luck and God bless.
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You are saying a man should not marry a woman with a career? Are you kidding me? What century do you live in? Women with careers can indeed be loving wives and mothers. Having ambition in life is not a negative, nor is being intelligent and independent. There is something to be said for being with (and remaining with) a man not because you are financially dependent upon him, but because you CHOOSE to be with him. That is nothing but a good example to set for the children.
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You must be very young because you are regurgitating radical, second-wave feminist ideology verbatim, without thinking your comments through. If you would take the time to truly educate yourself about radical feminism’s agenda (read my Short Essays and Current EVEntS posts), you would realize that IT is making you unnecessarily angry and defensive. Christian women want what’s best for their families. Their kids and husbands happiness are their priority, not some pointless job.(Despite what radical feminism has told you, raising well-adjusted kids need their mother (and father) full-time!) On the other hand, radical feminism’s “career women” can do NOTHING but neglect their family while in pursuit of their “careers.” There is NO way around it. Successful careers only come with full-blown commitment and that time-consuming enterprise always results in extended daycare, exhausted weekends, neglected husbands, costly, and income eating, accompaniments (clothes, transportation, take-out, cleaners, gas, parking, hair, nails, lunch out, cleaning lady, income taxes, etc. etc. etc.) and results in over-the-top STRESS.Read my post – “Source of Stress” If you plan to aggressively follow the “career” path radical feminism has brainwashed you into thinking you want more than anything, do yourself a favor, don’t take a husband and never have kids because radical feminism hates them both.(i.e. feminists support abortion, promiscuity, divorce and same-sex “marriage”) And, whether you want to admit it or not, by following the Pied Piper of Pointless Careers Paths,you’ll be forced to neglect them both and that is exactly what lesbian-led, radical second-wave feminists want, dysfunctional families,unhappy husbands and miserable kids. But, of course, they would have been much happier if you had just followed their initial instructions and aborted your kids before they were born and divorced your inconvenient husband before you started pursuing your glorious “career.” What they won’t tell you is that they are prepping you to be left with no other options but to join them in their misery in the end – Read my post – “Radical Feminism’s True Legacy – Being Single, Sidelined and 60 Sucks.” Get out while you can!
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I am 43, actually, and if you read my other comment you will see that I have worked as a stay-at-home mom and also as a woman who works outside the home. I have made it clear to my employer that my family will always come first. If they want me to stay late at work, the answer is no. I’m fortunate enough to have an employer who understands this. You have such a generalized view of women who work outside the home. I don’t have a cleaning lady, I don’t get my nails done, I don’t take my clothes to the dry cleaner, I pack my lunch every day and take it to work so I don’t spend money on daily lunches. My children are not in daycare-their dad works as a sportswriter and thus is home with them during the day. They need him every bit as much as they need me, and he is a wonderful and devoted father. For all the women who have never worked outside the home, how are you going to support your children and yourself if you cannot get a job should your husband die or leave you? Being self-sufficient is a necessity. Also, since I have worked outside the home, I have become stronger, more confident and self-assured. I am constantly facing challenges and rising to meet them. This is nothing but a benefit to my 5 children. And might I add, I have children ranging from 17 to 2, and they are bright, kind, funny, loving children who know they are deeply loved and valued.
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OK. So, why should your husband, employer and your older kids cover for you? Why should they take on your role so that you can become “more confident and self-assured?” What’s more self-confidence and self-assuredness going to do for your family? The “get a job, in case your husband dies” BS is one of the oldest lines in the radical feminist manifesto. If you’ve done your parenting and family jobs correctly, your family and kids will be there for you – NOT your employer. They are your Social Security and Medicare Plans, just like throughout human history. I don’t get your attitude. Sounds like you’ve got one of the most wonderful families! Why do you think working outside the home makes you more fulfilled? You are blessed with five children and a devoted husband and you can’t tell me that they would prefer to have your PAYCHECK then your time! Don’t you think they deserve better?
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I find you personally disgusting. You and your hateful, judgmental attitude are the very reason so many people turn away from Christianity. You are the opposite of “Christ-like,” in my opinion. I have nothing more to say to you, for it would be pointless. You are as narrow-minded as they come. I feel sorry for any future or present daughter-in-law you have (if you have a son).
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WOW!
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And for the record, if I did not work, we would not be able to pay for food and shelter. But then if I went on food stamps and other public assistance, I have no doubt but that you would blast me for that. Typical…
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WOW! Finally the truth comes out! No wonder you are so defensive.
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Oh, is it so horrible to have to work? You find that offensive or that I should be embarrassed by it? Many people do not have the luxury of staying home all day. I’m not defensive-I’m offended at your narrow-mindedness and skewed view of women who work outside the home. Even if I did not have to work, I still would. I have seen the growth that comes from it, and that growth is an example to my children and to the world in general of what women are capable of. I work in (and always have worked in) professions where I stand up for and take care of people who are disabled in various way-be it developmentally, visually impaired, Deaf and Deaf-Blind. I contribute to society every single day in a positive, meaningful way. I am nothing but proud of the difference I make in the lives of not only my family, but the community in which I live.
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There is NOTHING dishonorable about working to support your family because you have to. In fact, that is a very positive and admirable thing to do under your circumstances. None of this conversation would have occurred if you’d just told me that in the beginning and not gone on about wanting to be personally “fulfilled” or seeking more “self-confidence.” I don’t know where the truth lies but if you are truly supporting your family, I have great admiration for your very difficult situation. If you are working for your own self-satisfaction .and self-gratification, which is what you led me to believe from the start, my opinion would remain the same. I wish you all the luck in the world.
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I didn’t feel a need to disclose that I “had” to work. That’s not my point. Whether or not a woman has to work to support her family, the decision to do so is a personal (within the family) decision and I don’t believe it’s fair or Christ-like to condemn them for their choices. It’s all about freedom-your freedom to stay home and other women’s freedom to make a different choice. Life is hard enough on women without women going at each other over the choices they are making. The stereotypical comments about working women buying expensive makeup, getting their clothes dry cleaned, expensive clothes and lunches, were such huge generalizations. If that’s what you think about most working women, you are not being realistic. There are women who don’t work outside the home who are every bit as materialistic and selfish. It goes both ways. But for me to sit here and say that all women who are at home full-time are unintelligent, lazy, unambitious women would be grossly unfair, yes? Yet the posts on this blog are all for stereotyping women who have careers. Where’s the tolerance and Christ-like behavior in those kinds of comments, and what positivity comes from it? Women should be helping one another up, not putting each other down and they certainly shouldn’t presume to know anything about what’s going on in a stranger’s world or the reasons she has made the choices she has.
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I’m sorry you feel that way. No matter how you try to justify your position, women are the best caregivers for their families. And, in my lifetime, I’ve watched hundreds of families implode because the radical feminist mothers, who in many cases didn’t even realize until it was too late to do anything about all the bridges they’d burned, were selfish and AWOL. I want young women to know that, despite what feminism tells them (and in our secular society it is usually the only side they hear from) that it’s OK, in fact it’s preferable, to become traditional mothers, without all the stress and drama. I like my story much better then yours.
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First of all, I would like to apologize to you for saying I found you personally disgusting. I was wrong. It was a comment totally out of character for me as well. You and I disagree, and that’s okay. I wish you well.
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No problem. I don’t think we disagree as much as you may think. I admire women who place their families first and working because you have to keep them in food, clothing and with shelter certainly qualifies deserves respect. I hope someday you can come home again, but if not, you are doing the best you can. Take care.
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Thank you-I appreciate that. 🙂 You take care as well.
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” ..ambition in life is not a negative, nor is being intelligent and independent…”
Oh yikes. People never hear the put down hidden in those words, but being a wife and mother does not preempt you from being ambitious, intelligent, and independent.
But the answer as to why this is a problem is hidden in those words, if you believe that investing in family is something unambitious, unintelligent, and dependent women do, you’ll never let yourself invest in a marriage.
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Exactly! Which is just what radical feminists want, another failed marriage, that they can blame on the guy. He didn’t wash enough dishes.
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I have been both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. I have nothing but respect for both, for both are difficult but well worth the effort. What I found offensive about his statement was that one should stay away from women who work outside the home. Whether to work outside the home or not is a choice the family must make as a unit. It’s ridiculous for any man in this age to make a blanket statement that women who are invested in their careers cannot also be invested in their families. Would the writer ever say that a man who works outside the home not be invested and involved in his wife and children? No.
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Having “a career” is different from working outside the home. A career is something you invested a great deal of time into, likely through education, promotions, climbing the business ladder. Women cannot have it all, we are not superhuman. If your time and energy is invested in a career, less of your time and energy will be available to be invested in husbands, home, and children.
It really is different for men. I don’t know why exactly, but biology plays a role. Men identify as providers more, their work is like an extension of their families. Women try to mimic this, but it always becomes a juggle, a power struggle, a balancing act.
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Exactly! Very well put.
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I added the last two types of women, including the “career” women, to his list. He did not. A Christian couple realizes that the mother is uniquely qualified, and plays a vital role, in the physical and emotional care of her children. She is exquisitely, and specifically, designed – physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally – to care for her children. And despite what radical feminism claims, men fall far short of women’s ability to care for their children, just as women fall far short of men in the workforce. Men, on the other hand, were uniquely designed to invest in their families well-being – physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally – by protecting and providing for their families at work outside the home. The children are short-changed when the roles are either (God forbid) reversed or when one, or the other, is distracted from their primary roles. (Both unique roles, if done correctly, are very complicated and time-consuming.) The results are just as bad when a father is forced to ignore his career goals, thereby failing to increase his income to provide for his family, because he is overwhelmed with domestic responsibilities, as it is for a mother who is forced to neglect her family because she is overwhelmed with “career” demands. If a young man wants to concentrate on his career for the betterment of his family (and men who are permitted to focus on their careers make more money then conflicted mother’s who are “career” women), then he must avoid the ridiculousness surrounding a wife, and mother,who is, or must be, “committed” to her demanding “career” as well (lawyer, talk show host, doctor, accountant, retail buyer, sales representative, engineer, pharmacist, etc., all of which demand high levels of focus, time, concentration, commitment and in some cases, travel) by avoiding women who do not share his priorities. Since the average income in USA is $50.000, it’s highly unlikely that her extra income will ever offset the complications, heartache and added expense involved in trying to keep all the balls in the air at once while she pursues her “career”. And, more than likely, BOTH of their “careers” will be suffer while they try to cover all of their personal and professional demands. It can’t be done! And, for a woman to work while all the kids are in school doesn’t even work out that well because most employers require their employees to work until 5 and statistics show that kids get into the most trouble between 3 and 5 o’clock, when no one is at home. Work before you have kids and after they’ve moved out. Your “career” at home will be much more productive, satisfying and rewarding then pushing papers around, answering phones, placating clients, calming an infuriated boss, dealing with irate customers, detoxing hysterical patients or being frisked by a TSA security guard at the airport.
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Great advice.
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I thought so too.
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Yes, I agree.
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